The past few days have been an interesting ride. I picked up a new writing client, only to find that I couldn’t see my computer screen well enough to do the needed research. Today seems to be better, hopefully I can get their work done today. I’ve spent the past few days being reminded what it feels like to be on a boat. Every so often I get the definite sensation of riding the crest of a wave. Sometimes it only lasts a few second, by the time I notice it, it’s gone,other times the feeling lasts long enough to make me stumble. I’m getting used to it -I guess I really don’t’ have much choice in the matter. It’s frustrating, though.
Thursday night was interesting. My partner and my daughters (12,10) and I were finishing up dinner. My partner and daughters were having left over birthday cake for desert. It was a bakery cake with bright colorful frosting. My dd#1 was mixing the colors together to see what kind of interesting shades she could come up with.
“Hey mom, look. That’s a cool shade of blue.”
When I glanced over, the frosting looked white, so I asked her to hold it up so I could see better. .. nope, still white. Next I asked her to bring the plate over so I could look.
By this time, my partner was giving me that worried, “honey, are you okay, ” look that tells me I’m not hiding things very well. My girls were looking at me a little funny, too, but they brought the plate over.
“That’s not blue.” I said to my eldest. “That’s pale green. Seafoam, I think it’s called.”
Everyone stopped and stared.
“um.. no mom, it’s blue” said dd#2.
“Oh, it is not. It’s green.”
This went on for a minute or so. My girls tried very hard to convince me it was blue frosting, when in fact I saw pale green. Finally I came up with a lame excuse for the difference.
“It must be the light. We’re looking at it from different angles. That’s gotta be the difference.”
Now, my kids are not stupid, nor are they naive. Neither of them bought it, but the did drop it. Later, I overheard them asking my partner if I was okay because “Mom isn’t acting like herself.”
well damn. and here I thought I was hiding the symptoms so well. My kids know that I might have MS, It’s kind of hard to hide major stuttering – but I try to hide as many symptoms as I can. I don’t want the girls to worry. It’s maddening when my body betrays me like that.